free-use submissive slut

(pathetic, masochistic, exhibitionist sissy slut)

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Ever since being outed publicly at school in 7th grade, it caused me great humiliation,

ever since I have been some what an Submissive Sexual/Emotional Masochistic sissy type.

The consequences of my fellow students making fun of because I'm an effeminate homosexual, thus making statements out loud publicly like; "Michael sucks cock", "Mike likes getting butt-fucked" etc. it made me feel pathetic.

This guy looks

so pathetic

I developed severe checking and intrusive thoughts true OCD after the trauma of myself getting publicly humiliate at school because I'm a effeminate homosexual. It took my mind nearly a year to recover.

I certainly felt so Pathetic at that time in 1970's being a homosexual transgender type male

( my feeling pathetic made me become masochistic exhibitionist type)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses auto-eroticism, exhibitionism, and submissiveness in sex;

"The exhibitionist objectifies herself/himself by being observed, by being watched, by having an audience. And having objectified herself, she finds the resulting object extremely sexually arousing.

And of course, the more numerous the observers, the better. The more the merrier. The more numerous the observers, the more intense the sexual excitatory state.

So one observer is good. Four observers are much better.

This is why people with auto eroticism, the auto erotic, these people gravitate almost invariably and ineluctably gravitate to group sex, usually with total strangers.

And they do so even in early adolescence.

The earliest case I've heard of was 12 years old, a girl, 12 years old, who had group sex with a group of men she had met that day".

"I have craved to be gang-banged every since"

I've always felt that Society seen me as Pathetic because I want to be like a girl, have sex with males like a girl, thus I psychologically eroticized being a pathetic sissy male, being objectified sexually had become wonderful for me. By this time at age 12, I actually preferred to be gang-banged when having sex with human Men.

And like Professor Sam Vaknin stated above; "The more the merrier".

By the time I was 16 years old and a "harem sissy" in the Jensen group I was getting gang-banged by 30-60 guys or so at one event which may last for hours, being able to be getting fucked and at the same time sucking cock, ingesting cum was perfect for me as a masochistic exhibitionist type pathetic sissy slut.

The only thing I could do was adapt and become proud to be a pathetic sissy

One of the most pathetic things I like to do is have guys and ladies pee in my mouth and drink it

I like to pee in my own mouth and drink it as others watch me, especially females.

I read this years ago,

Psychoanalytical theories of exhibitionistic behavior:

These are based on the assumption that male gender identity requires the male child's separation from his mother psychologically so that he does not identify with her as a member of the same sex, the way a girl does. It is thought that exhibitionists regard their mothers as rejecting them on the basis of their different genitals. Therefore, they grow up with the desire to force women to accept them by making women look at their gentials.

Personally, it is most erotic for me to be seen by females, with a limp tiny penis or wearing a cock cage as she watches me sucking cock and/or being butt-fucked by Males.

"The thing is, I've always wished I was a Female"

"It would be especially wonderful to have a pussy and be seen by ladies"

I very much prefer to pose nude while wearing a cock cage in order to so that I'm in-capable of being a Man,

For me to present myself as a Man is like betraying my identity.

The Reason I never got the Vulvoplasty surgery done

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I consulted with different surgeons about retaining my testes due to the hormone implications, showing them the picture above (lady with a puffy pussy) , Everyone of the surgeons told me it could not be done.

If it could of been done, I'd have a pussy now.

Retaining Testes in a Vulvoplasty

In standard vulvoplasty, the testicles are almost always removed as part of the procedure, and there is no routine option to preserve them unless they have already been removed beforehand.

How vulvoplasty is performed

Vulvoplasty (also called zero‑depth or shallow‑depth vaginoplasty) is a gender‑affirming surgery that constructs the external vulva — including the clitoris, labia majora, and labia minora — using penile and scrotal tissue, without creating a vaginal canal MTF Surgery Guide+2.
According to surgical descriptions, the testicles are removed during the operation unless the patient has already undergone an orchidectomy (testicular removal) before surgery GenderAid+1. This is because the scrotal skin and surrounding tissue are used to form the labia, and the testicles are not part of the vulvar construction.

Why testes are not retained

Anatomical use of tissue: The scrotal skin and underlying structures are re‑positioned to create the labia; the testes themselves are not incorporated into the vulvar anatomy MTF Surgery Guide+1.
Surgical safety and aesthetics: Retaining testes in place would alter the external appearance and could complicate the creation of a natural‑looking vulva.
Standard practice: All major surgical sources note that testicular removal is part of the procedure unless already done GenderAid+1.

Possible exceptions

If a patient has already had an orchidectomy before vulvoplasty, the testes will not be present to remove, and the surgery can proceed without that step GenderAid. In rare cases, a patient might request preservation of testes for personal or medical reasons, but this is not standard practice and would require a surgeon to discuss feasibility, risks, and potential impact on surgical outcome.

Key takeaway

For most transgender women and non‑binary individuals, vulvoplasty involves removal of the testes. If you wish to avoid this, you would need to have them removed beforehand (orchiectomy) or discuss with a qualified surgeon whether any alternative approach is possible in your case.

Recommendation: Before surgery, review your options with an experienced gender‑affirming surgeon, as individual anatomy, health status, and personal goals can influence the procedure.

I feel that my being masochistic is similar to that of a cuckold male

This whole cuckold fetish revolves around inadequacy, and turning that into sexual pleasure. So if we can sum up the real psychology behind this fetish it would be ‘the eroticization of inadequacy.’

The pleasure comes from the subconscious pain of feeling fundamentally not good enough. This is not conscious. This is buried in the subconscious. The entire cuckold fetish is the manifestation of the concept of inadequacy. It’s being cheated on (which already incites a lot of feelings of inadequacy), usually by a bigger, better, alpha male (creating more inadequacy) – who either has a large penis, a good body, or is socially dominant (creating feelings of inadequacy) and most importantly, it involves the girl really enjoying it, submitting to him in a way you’ve never seen before, moaning more than ever.

Cuckolding revolves around the 4 concept of not being good enough, being inferior to other men, either not being good enough of a lover, or a man, or a partner, or just a person.

And as before, it turns this pain into sexual pleasure to shield us from the emotional trauma. This means that if you have a cuckold fetish, you have either a fear or a sense of inadequacy, probably formed in childhood.

example:

Because it induces a greater feeling of inadequacy. The fetish revolves around the concept of turning inadequacy into sexual pleasure. So the more inadequacy they can create, the more pleasurable it is. That’s why cuckold porn can frequently stray into humiliating areas – it enhances the sense of inadequacy – which is where the pleasure comes from.

For example:

When ladies or guys pee in my mouth it is in all sense humiliating, yet that type of humiliation is empowering to me.

Eroticization of being Pathetic faggot:

eroticization of humiliation

(calling me a pathetic faggot, sissy slut etc. is good for me, it's who I am)

eroticization of inadequacy

(can never be a Man)

The eroticism of helplessness/vulnerability
The emotional surrender of being “less than”, "pathetic". "emasculated male"
The transformation of shame into "arousal", "pride" (I'm proud to be a faggot slut)
The deep trust it takes to be an free-use submissive

The Power of accepting who you are - "Self Acceptance"

The Cuckold Dynamic: Erotic Shame, Power, and Emotional Masochism - consentculture.community/

Why Does Humiliation Turn Me On?

Understanding the Neuroscience, Shame, and Safe Exploration-findyourecho.com

The main reason I identified as Third Gender is that I don't consider myself a Man, yet I can't be a Women even if I had the surgery to get an Zero-Depth Vaginoplasty (Vulvoplasty).

Really not of my own making or free-will, or another could read my mind, I've always been a very honest person in all respects of life, I've always strived to be loyal and honorable.

I can call myself an "100% female-roled receptive male", yet along with that I have to include that I am completely psychologically feminized and emasculated.....I have no desire to use my penis like a Man.

It would be dis-honorable/cause me severe cognitive dissonance in my eyes to ever call myself a Man

try to perform like a Man sexually (be a penetrative partner)

(being able to say and be 100% female-roled receptive is the most important aspect of my identity)

Symbolism in Symbolism in MTF (Male-to-Female) Transgender Identity Identity verse Third-gender Identity

I'll use the idea that what does the individual visually do to show how they identify.

The MTF (Male-to-Female) Transgender individual; likely tries to do their best to look like a women as best they possibly can, breast implants, Vaginoplasty (Vulvoplasty), make-up, hair style, clothing, all symbols of their identity.

The Third-gender individual; to a degree female style clothing, padded bra, cock-cage, hair style.

I think the most important different between the two identities is,

The Third-gender individual is not going through a transition, their simply a male that is psychologically feminized and emasculated, generally 100% female-roled receptive, yet have the need to display/symbolize that they are feminine and receptive sexually.

Just my opinion in a nut shell

Sexual orientation: Homosexuality, with a focus on being in a receptive role in sexual encounters mylifeasafemboy.blogspot.com.

"I so much have always wanted a pussy instead of a penis"

"I wish I could have a pussy so I could be the best sissy possible"

I love to be strap-on fucked by ladies

I used to like the ladies to watch me get bred by the stallions and jack donkeys

"I crave being Objectified sexually"

It's hard for me to explain yet for me sex is almost always clinical and animalistic, my drug is I need to be sucking cock and be getting butt fucked in order to be feminized and objectified in turn I offer and submissively give myself to my male partners as a sex object for their own sexually satisfaction.

One way I've performed very often for partners through my life is by giving "Road Head".

"I love to be told"

"For me, being told affirms to me that they want me as their sex object"

I've always loved when a guys calls me and tells me to meet him somewhere so I can give him a blow-job in his car.

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Preparing my bottom for anal sex

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The following is method I used since 1974

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Poopy first

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Fill douche bulb/sinus rinse bulb with either mineral oil or J-lube, if I was to get bred by my Male equine and canine partners I'd only use Mineral oil or veg. oil, with Human Males Mineral oil or J-lube, then inject up inside your bottom and slide your dildo up inside bottom about 6-8 inches, remove, rinse, repeat until your clean. Always inject more oil up inside your bottom after rinsing each time, it might take 10-20 times before I'd feel I was clean and ready to offer my bottom to be bred.