Third-gender Artist Model
22 years experience as a life drawing artist's model
50 years as a submissive sissy femboy
I identify as a:
Pre-Op homosexual transsexual
berdache/third-gender type
100% female-roled receptive male
Preferential "Class X" submissive 100% female-roled receptive zoosexual from 1970-2000
(I became celibate as a zoosexual in 2000)
I consider my core identity to be a submissive Preferential female-roled receptive zoosexual for large intact male dogs and intact male equines.
Psychologically I have a "Pre-Op" Male to Female Homosexual Transexual Identity
The reason I refer to myself as "third-gender" is because I am physically a male, yet psychologically I feel like a female.
I've been a owned-collared "free Use" submissive, 100% female-roled femboy
since 1975
I got caged in 1999, I am 100% psychologically feminized/emasculated
"In 2000 I started serving only human males sexual"
("I only model wearing a cage")
This is a Web Journal
It is intented to figure my own self out better, why I am who I am
though this is the exhibitionistic
element for me
because I am a
"exhibitionist"
I truly love modeling and modeling for artist has no erotic element for me.
My questions I've struggled with all my life,
why do I need treated sexually like a female.
"And wish to be Female"
Many questions
The content is intended for educational, research and journaling purposes Much of the content is in Scenario Form
thus whether fact or fiction, is by interpretation.
If only;
"How things could of turned out dilemma"
"Like a thought experiment of sorts"
or
" Some aspects based on fact "
" A hodgepodge script "
"Thought experiment"
"Like an Actor preparing for a script in order to be convincing"
"A Study and Outline for my Novels;
fiction novel: "The Jensen Group"
and
"No One needs to be an another more then the Transsexual, No One needs another more then the Exhibitionist"
(a life as a submissive female-roled receptive zoosexual)
" As much as Life Drawing can express Reality, it can express Fantasy "
NSFW
contains nudity and sexual content
A journey of "Living vicariously in a imagined scenario"
All videos, photos, gifs
are for illustrative purposes
established
FEBRUARY 19th, 2020
Contact at;
note: most of the imagery on my site is for illustrative purposes to illustrate how I became completely psychologically feminized/emasculated and how my identity revolves around the need to be female-roled both sexually and non-sexually.
Forever editing the site
"transgendered male androphilia"
"berdache"
and
the female-roled "Fa'afafine"
I consider myself an effeminate, passive/submissive
female-roled, receptive male.
(I consider myself to be a free-use submissive sex surrogate for males)
I identify with the
I've always had a intense desire to be treated sexually like a "Girl",
being "bred" by males makes me feel so wonderfully "Girl like"
While reading Albert Einstein's book "Ideas and Opinions" in 1975 I came across the following excerpt;
Albert Einstein wrote, "read the description of the Pueblo Indians in Ruth Benedict's "Patterns of Culture". Under the hardest living conditions, the tribe has apparently accomplished the difficult task of delivering its people from the scourge of competitive spirit and of fostering in it a temperate, cooperative conduct of life, free of external pressure and without any curtailment of happiness".
I then found a copy of Ruth Benedict's "Patterns of Culture", and to my amazement came across the following excerpt;
"Patterns of Culture" (pages 189-190), "The American Indians do not make Plato's high moral claims for homosexuality, but homosexuals are often regarded as exceptionally able. In most of North America there exists the institution of the "berdache", as the French called them. These men-women were who at puberty or thereafter took the dress and the occupations of women. Sometimes they married other men and lived with them. Sometimes they were men with no inversion, persons of weak sexual endowment who chose this role to avoid the jeers of the women. The berdaches were never regarded as of first-rate supernatural power, as similar men-women were in Siberia, but rather as leaders in women's occupations, good healers in certain diseases, or, among certain tribes, as the genial organizers of social affairs, They were usually, in spite of the manner in which they were accepted, regarded with a certain embarrassment. It was thought slightly ridiculous to address as "she" a person who was known to be a man and who, as in Zuni, would be buried on the men's side of the cemetery. But they were socially placed".
"I've identified as a berdache type ever since"
"I tell the males that use me as a sex surrogate to call me a sissy femboy"
The following essay sums up why I relate to the "berdache"
There are some characteristics of the sexual practices of berdache, which differ from those of other same sex relationships. Berdaches almost always observe an incest taboo which involves the avoidance of sex with another berdache. One explanation for this is that sexual partner of the berdache must, by nature, be masculine (93). This belief is consistent with the emphasis on the gender aspects of the role rather than the sexual aspects. It also dovetails with the information on berdache marriages to masculine men. In these unions, the berdache is considered a wife and is valued by the husband not only for the domestic duties the berdache performs, but also for the socially acceptable homosexual relationship.
In a sense, Native American cultures have institutionalized and socially sanctioned homosexual relations by utilizing the berdache role as the preferred same sex partner. When men want to have male/male sex, they are encouraged to do so with a berdache (95).
The usual sexual behavior of the berdache is to take the passive role in anal intercourse. At times they may indulge in oral sex or take the active role in anal intercourse, but this is not widely talked about. If a berdache wishes to take an active role, it is usually done only in secret and with a partner who can be trusted not to talk. This is also true of the feelings of the man involved with a berdache. If he wishes to assume the passive role, he will try to keep the activity secret.
Another distinctive aspect of berdache sex is that during foreplay and actual intercourse they generally do not like to have their genitals touched. ".... Intercourse with an alyha is surrounded by an etiquette to which the partner had better conform; or else the man could get in all sorts of trouble. Kuwal, a Mohave man who had several alyha as wives, said "they insisted on having their penis referred to as cunnus (clitoris) (97)." ".... I never dared touch the penis in erection except during intercourse. You'd court death otherwise, because they would get violent if you play with their erect penis too much (98)."
(I am very much "Genitally Avoidant", the main reason I always wear a cock cage)
Berdaches frequently are available for sex with both unmarried adolescent boys and married men who occasionally seek out same sex partners.
Because of this, female prostitution is not needed. Traditional berdaches were also available as sexual partners during hunts and in war parties (102). This was yet another reason why they were welcomed on these excursions.
A Native American Perspective on the Theory of Gender Continuum
by DRK
Berdaches excel in weaving, beadwork, and pottery; arts associated almost solely with the women of the tribe. We'Wha, a famous Zuni berdache was an accomplished weaver and potter as well as a sash and blanket maker. Her pottery was sold for twice that of other potters in the village (Roscoe, Zuni 50-52). Berdache men are also involved with cooking, tanning, saddle-making, farming, gardening, raising children, basket-making (Williams 58-59).
Anthropologist, Evelyn Blackwood felt "The berdache gender is not a deviant role; nor a mixture of the two genders, nor less a jumping from one gender to its opposite, nor is it an alternative role behavior for nontraditional individuals who are still considered men and women. Rather it comprises a separate gender within a multiple gender system (Roscoe, Changing 123)."
Suffice it to say the subject is complex and often seems to defy description. There are common attributes, however. These vary from group to group, but a core set of four traits is shared.
Specialized work roles- Male and female berdaches are typically described in terms of their preference and achievements in the work of the "opposite" sex and/or unique activities specific to their identities.
Gender difference - In addition to work preferences, berdaches are distinguished from men and women in terms of temperament, dress, lifestyle and social roles.
Spiritual sanction - Berdache identity is widely believed to be the result of supernatural intervention in the form of visions or dreams, and/or it is sanctioned by tribal mythology.
Same-sex relations - Berdaches most often form sexual and emotional relationships with non berdache members of their own sex" (Roscoe, Changing 8).
The article above heading should end with maybe:
"at least respected"
At least for me, I had to reach a point where as to not concern myself with what society thinks about transgender, third-gender type people.
Social disapproval certainly is a major factor in gender dysphoria in my opinion.
Male Androphilia in the Ancestral Environment An Ethnological Analysis Doug P. VanderLaan & Zhiyuan Ren & Paul L. Vasey -2013
excerpts from above study;
"“Androphilia” is the preferred term when undertaking cross cultural comparisons of male same-sex sexuality for several reasons. First, the usage and meaning of the term “homosexuality” varies cross-culturally, rendering it a poor construct for the type of cross-cultural research presented here".
1. Among transgendered societies, negative societal attitudes toward homosexuality were unlikely. We conclude that the ancestral human sociocultural environment was likely conducive to the expression of the transgendered form of male androphilia.
2. Given that contemporary transgendered male androphiles appear to exhibit elevated kin-directed altruism, these findings further indicate the viability of the kin selection hypothesis.
3. Forms of Male Androphilia across Cultures; Androphilia refers to predominant sexual attraction and arousal to adult males, whereas gynephilia refers to predominant sexual attraction and arousal to adult females.
4. Androphilia refers to predominant sexual attraction and arousal to adult males, whereas gynephilia refers to predominant sexual attraction and arousal to adult females.
The manner in which male androphilia is publically expressed varies across cultures. This expression typically takes one of two forms, which are related to gender role enactment. These two forms are sex-gender congruent and transgendered male androphilia.
Sex-gender congruent male androphiles occupy the gender role typical of their sex and identify as “men.”
In contrast, transgendered androphilic males often occupy alternative gender role categories distinct from the categories of “men” and “women,” and they exhibit gender role presentation that is markedly similar to that of members of the opposite sex within their given cultural context.
5. Both sex-gender congruent and transgendered male androphilia may occur within a given culture, but typically one or the other tends to predominate (Whitam 1983). For example, the sex gender congruent form (gay) is more common in many Western cultures.
6. Whereas the transgendered form appears to be more common in a number of non-Western cultures.
For myself, Androphilia refers to predominant sexual attraction and arousal to sexually mature large intact male dogs/stallion ponies/jack donkeys and I prefer performing fellatio on larger stallion whom are to large to stud me.
Even though I became celibate as zoosexual in 2000, my true desire and identity is to only be a female-roled receptive zoosexual, my attraction is to intact male canines and intact male equines.
Excerpts about berdache and it's meaning:
REDEFINING BERDACHE WITHIN THE CONTEMPORARY
TWO-SPIRIT MOVEMENT
The Contemporary Two-Spirit Movement
The two-spirit movement in the United States grew out of the Native
American Gay and Lesbian movement, which held its first international gath-
ering in Minneapolis in 1988. In Winnipeg, Manitoba, in the summer of 1990,
those who attended the third annual gathering focused on finding a new term
for Native sexualities and gender diversity. After considerable discussion, the
term two-spirit
was chosen, which refers to a wide variety of Native American
and First Nations roles and identities past and present.
The most active resistance to using berdache for sexual and gender diversi-
ty in North American aboriginal communities occurred at the Third Annual
Native American Gay and Lesbian Gathering, where attendees decided to
change the name of their future gatherings to The International Twc-Spirit
Gathering.
At the center of our investigation into the terms we use is a shared
determination to reintegrate the word berdache into our respective writings,
but using it clearly and precisely in its original meaning.
The term has also been translated as “kept boy” or “male prostitute.” The
Oxford English Dictionary cross-references “berdache” to “catamite,” which is
translated as “a boy kept for unnatural purposes.” With this etymology, it
should come as no surprise that some contemporary Native Americans and
First Nations people have come to consider the term berdache derogatory and
insulting to the image and identity of gay, lesbian, transgender, and other two-
spirit people.
On some reservations, feminine boys are used sexually by married men.
In studies of male juvenile prostitutes in Seattle, Washington, it is primarily
heterosexual adult males who seek out boys for passive anal and oral sex.4*
In both Seattle and on reservations, such behavior is negatively sanctioned.
It is not glamorous; it is not romantic; it is “sex for survival.” These boys
(aged nine to seventeen) are berdaches in the literal, original meaning of the
word: boys used for sexual purposes. The married “heterosexual” men on
reservations who engage in sex with boys retain their heterosexual status;
they are never considered to be bisexual or homosexual. In some urban gay
settings, these men are commonly called “Men who have Sex with Men
(MSMs).”
I've always liked guys to call me their "sissy slutboy"
CATAMITE definition and meaning | Collins English Dictionary
Catamite is a noun that means a boy kept for sexual purposes. It comes from Latin Catamītus, a variant of Ganymēdēs, a mythological lover of Zeus.
Being a "girl-boy"
The following excerpt from; "Autobiography of an Androgyne" is similar to my growing up, is that by age 7, I was routinely performing fellatio on my jack donkey Edward. In my case I was different then Jennie June in that I also began getting penetrated anally at age 8 by my Great Dane Cosso then human males. Even at that age it seems my identity, in my mind it was very much set as "wanting to be like a girl", or take a girl like role with males. I loved the attention males would give me, I felt wanted, I know I quickly formed a great passion for performing fellatio and ingesting semen, I loved knowing I could make my boyfriends feel good, then once I had been penetrated anally, it was like going beyond the "point of no return".....I was then completely psychologically feminized/emasculated, I could only be like a girl after that. From age 8 on there were very few days when I didn't perform fellatio, and from age 12 on there were very few days that I didn't get penetrated anally.
Excerpt from Autobiography of an Androgyne: by Earl Lind aka "Jennie June"
"One other boy, a year older than myself, became an even greater favorite. From my fifth to seventh year, our relations were almost as intimate as those of a husband and wife. We used to play "husband and wife," although the fact of conjugal relations was the farthest from our thoughts. When I reached the age of seven, our relations ceased, since we were sent to different schools and he began to play with normal boys, while I henceforth shared the pastimes of the little girls and had them almost exclusively for my companions. In subsequent years of our boyhood, he asked for fellatio several times, but I refused through shame.
My addiction was common knowledge among the boys, and others sought it. While engaged in games with boys, sometimes fellatio would occur every few minutes. Before reaching the age of seven, I had doubtless had more than one thousand such experiences, I of course always took the more humiliating part. Only once in my life, at the age of thirty-six, has another taken that part with me, much to my disgust. Out of nearly 800 intimates during my lifetime, only one ever sought to take that part.
I told these boy playmates to call me "Jennie," and encouraged them to use sexual argot to me. I instinctively hid all my sexual experiences from everybody except my boy intimates, though some of them proclaimed my addiction abroad in my hearing and much to my shame. Only once my mother questioned me suspiciously as to why I entered an outhouse every little while with my boy friend, but I counteracted her suspicion.
I was the only girl-boy of my immediate neighborhood, and from the seventh to the twelfth year of my life, was looked upon by all the other children as more girl than boy. When, after the age of seven, I made acquaintances farther off than in my own block, I became acquainted with three other girl-boys on three adjacent blocks, and a number of others in the village. It was common knowledge among the boys of the school. After they became adults, three became notorious among the sporting adolescents of the village, as I learned through a brother who belonged to that class".
"Becoming a sissy slutboy"
I've always wanted to be the best receptive female like sexual partner for males that I possibly could be.
7th grade
I was in 7th grade, age 12 a whole new school, larger and with many new students, 7 through 9 grades, plus a open shower policy for gym class, I was very nervous about the open shower policy that due the fact that I knew I was sexually attracted to guys, and the "not knowing how I would react" to seeing all these fellow male students nude.
There were also a lot black students in this new school, where my middle school had just a few black students, any way it was the first week there, I was sitting on the bench in from of my locker which was near the open showers, and I glanced into the showers and could clearly see Rod, one of black guys in my gym class showering, because he had the biggest cock I'd ever seen, I couldn't help myself from staring at it, well he had noticed me staring at him.
Well later in the day while I was walking down the hall, along many other students as we headed to our next class, suddenly Rod came up behind me and whispered in my ear, "I bet you'd love to suck my big black cock wouldn't you", I just kept walking and didn't reply.
After that, in gym class he started asking me every day things like "have you sucked cock yet, if you haven't I'd be surprised because I can tell that you really want to suck cock, I can tell you that your a sissy-boy", I then told him that I wasn't very experienced at sucking cock, he replied, " Rod replied, "so I was right, you have sucked cock haven't you".
I meekly replied, " I've been sucking cock regularly since I was about 7 years old".
Rod asked me, "have you had cock up inside your butt yet?.
I told him, "yes regularly since I was 8 years old"
Rod replied, "I'll be nice to you, if you want to be my sissy-boy and start sucking my cock every day if you would like".
I replied meekly, "I do really love sucking cock and having cock up in my bottom, I very much want to feel like a girl, and my boyfriend moved away recently".
I know I was very much turned on by Rod, and I very much wanted to suck his cock, I'd been sucking my friend Kevin's cock since I was 9 and Kevin was 12, so he was ejaculating in mouth until his dad was transferred do his job when I was in 6th grade, so I hadn't sucked a guy's cock in a year, however I routinely sucked Edward my jack donkey's penis and he ejaculated in my mouth.
The next day Rod said to me, "if you want to suck my cock, meet me in the woods behind the dairy at 4pm and you can suck it, so I'll help you feel like a girl", well after I got home from school at 3pm, all I knew was I wanted to suck his cock so much, I got on my bike and rode down to the woods behind the dairy and sure enough he showed up, Rod was his name, he rode to me on his bike, then he told me to follow him to a spot in the woods where I could safely suck his cock, once we got to the spot, he unzipped his shorts, pulled out his already huge erect cock and told me to get down and start sucking it, I eagerly did, in less than a minute he was ejaculating in mouth.
After that day, he and I would meet at that same spot after school every day, I'd perform fellatio on him and swallow his cum. This went on about a week then he told me he had an older friend who would like to have me start sucking his cock as well if I wanted to, he'd bring him to meet me tomorrow, by that time I was Rod's submissive, I trusted him, so I would have done almost anything for him, so I said ok.
Well, the next day, Rod and Steve, who was also a black guy from school yet in 9th grade, they were waiting for me, thus I sucked both of them until they ejaculated in my mouth. The following day another black guy from school was with Rod, this went on for a couple of weeks until I was sucking 9 different black guys from school routinely. Soon all of them were butt-fucking me as well, I would suck at least one of the nine after school every day and try to suck all of them on the weekend, as well as get butt-fucked by them during our interactions, often 3 or 4 or all of them gang-banged at times.
After about 2 months of doing this, I was walking down the crowded hallway at school at someone yelled out loud from down the hall, "Michael is gay", after that I was really humiliated daily it seemed, different student yelling, "Michael is gay etc.", different guys coming up to me asking if I really liked sucking cock, getting butt-fucked etc.", I'd hearing students whispering about me in class.
After about 2 week of the constant getting called gay, cock sucker etc., I wanted to quit school, so I told mom I couldn't take it any longer, told her about my thoughts ( I'd developed severe checking/obsessive thoughts type OCD).
Mom already knew that I was a berdache type, and needed to be female-roled sexually, she'd caught Cosso breeding me about a month prior to the public humilation at school. Mom had opened my bedroom door and seen Cosso and I locked in a
copulatory-tie. In my effort to explain to her about why I wanted Cosso to breed me, I showed her the excerpt from Ruth Benedict's book Patterns of Culture in the effort to tell her I wanted to take the female role sexually;
"Patterns of Culture" (pages 189-190), "The American Indians do not make Plato's high moral claims for homosexuality, but homosexuals are often regarded as exceptionally able. In most of North America there exists the institution of the "berdache", as the French called them. These men-women were who at puberty or thereafter took the dress and the occupations of women. Sometimes they married other men and lived with them. Sometimes they were men with no inversion, persons of weak sexual endowment who chose this role to avoid the jeers of the women. The berdaches were never regarded as of first-rate supernatural power, as similar men-women were in Siberia, but rather as leaders in women's occupations, good healers in certain diseases, or, among certain tribes, as the genial organizers of social affairs, They were usually, in spite of the manner in which they were accepted, regarded with a certain embarrassment. It was thought slightly ridiculous to address as "she" a person who was known to be a man and who, as in Zuni, would be buried on the men's side of the cemetery. But they were socially placed".
"I told mom that I needed males to make me feel like a female"
Obviously, Mom wanted to know about my sexual relations with the guys from school, because she knew by then I was getting bred by Edward and Cosso, so I told her that I also was getting bred by all the guys from school.
berdache
n.
a male who adopts the dress and social roles, sexual role of a woman.
(1800-10;< North American French; French bardache-boy prostitute
(being effeminate, sexually receptive- the berdache is simply an “effeminate passive homosexual,” whether this means being anally penetrated males or fellating males).
My Identity
After reading "Patterns of Culture", I adopted the term;
"Female-Roled Male" for myself
Becoming exclusively,
"female-roled receptive zoosexual"
I've always consider myself,
"female-roled receptive zoosexual"
to be my "true sexual orientation"
Edward my jack donkey was my first sex partner in that,
Edward was the first male that I ever performed fellatio.
Due to the fact that I was Edward's "girl" and he bred me from 1975 until his death in 2000, thus he was my closest companion, and by far the sex companion I was most attracted to.
Like myself, Edward had a very high sex drive, thus we were very compatible sexually, once I was 12 years old I was able to accommodate his long slender penis up inside my bottom easily, thus I generally get bred by Edward or I'd perform fellatio on him and ingest his semen daily for nearly 25 years.
After 7th grade (1975), I became exclusively a female-roled receptive zoosexual, this all I really had time for, especially after I turned 16 in 1978, at which time I was routinely being bred by Edward, 6 other jack donkeys, 7 stallion ponies and 30 large intact male dogs
My Great dane Cosso began studding me at age 8
Edward my jack donkey began studding me at age 12
"My role/my identity was set"
as Class X female-roled receptive zoosexual.
Once I had Edward's penis deep inside me ejaculating, age 12,
I knew I had to belong to him as his female-roled sex partner.
Edward had a very high libido and he was very dominate over me sexual, so once
he knew I was his receptive sex partner our sex life got extremely intense.
Edward expected me to give in a blow-job first thing every morning, then once I got home from school or work, he expected to start breeding me.
Once Edward stared studding me I knew I was 100% psychologically feminized and emasculated at that point, there was no chance of me ever being like a man, I completely wanted to be exclusive submissive free-use female-roled receptive zoosexual
My oldest clear memories are of around 6 years of age, at which time my Mom and Dad suddenly got a divorce, this was very traumatic, in that my life seemed turned upside down, very soon Dad moved out, suddenly one night a new man show up at the front door, I had answered the door beause mom was doing something. The man said to me, "you must be Michael, here I bought you matchbook car, I figured a young guy like you would like it " as he handed it to me, at first I didn't take it, I was freaked out, then Mom can up behind me and pulled me aside and let the guy in as she took the car from him and asked me to go get ready for bed.
Next thing I remember was being awaken, as I peeked out from my bed covers here is this man walking through my bedroom nude, my eyes focused on his large penis as he walks through my room on into Mom bedroom.
I am fully awake now as I lay in darkness, soon giggling comes from inside Mom's room, I had two doors in my bedroom, one leads out to the hallway and opens next to the only bathroom in our small house, the other door opens directly into Mom's bedroom. I look towards Mom's door and can see a faint light coming through the crack in door, the man didn't pull the door complete shut. I can't remember if I got up with the intent to close the door or what, yet curiosity the best of me so I looked in through the crack in the slightly open door, because they had a bed side lamp on, I could clearly see the both of them on the bed. Mom was laying along the man her body half way down beside him and Mom was taking the man's big stiff penis into her mouth, I watched her suck and lick it a short while, then she lift up straddled his body and with one of hands Mom guided the man's penis up into her body and then started rocking back and forth on as she gasped and moaned. My mind seemed to be in a trance, all I could do was stare and watch what taking place.
This becomes what seemed like a nightly routine, I'd go to bed at 9pm, and be woke up at about 10:30 pm by Mom or the Man walking through my room nude, or from moaning, giggling noises from Mom's room, they seldom pulled the door shut, at that point I wouldn't be able to sleep, if he walk through I'd be mesmerized/so excited by seeing his big long penis swaying about as he walked, I always bathed with mom so I was used to see her nude. Once they'd walked through my room I'd climb out of bed, check to see if they'd left the door cracked open, if so, I'd go sit on the floor and watch them have sex.
I don't remember how long this went on, at least several months because I knew kindergarten was soon to be out for the summer, I just got my training wheels of my bike, I remember it had gotten really warm because one day I was playing in the front yard when Mom walks out on the drive-way pushing her bike, and because I had gotten a new bike because she had told me that was to be birthday present, my birthday being June 17th.
Anyway, Mom tells me to get on her bike as she holds it upright, I could barely touch the pedals, yet she insisted that she push me up and down the street, as I pedaled it, I knew even then this was a disaster waiting to happen, yet she just was sure I could ride it.
Learning/realizing I'm a homosexual/femboy
Age 7, I was terrified by the way I felt about wanting to be like a girl, I remember thinking to myself: "how can I live like this", I soon was worrying that I'd have to be put in a mental hospital like the one my grandma was a nurse at.
Yet at the same time I just knew I wanted to be like a girl and have a boyfriend and be able to suck his penis like I'd been watching Mom do to my step-father. It was that way, I simply knew that I needed to like a girl, a very defined strong definite "this is how I am going to be" feeling.
I just knew,
I so much wanted to suck a cock like Mom was doing,
One day, age 8, 1970 I was watching my jack donkey Edward sucking his own penis like in photo above, I got down on my knees and Edward allowed me to suck his penis, I sucked it until he ejaculated in my mouth, after that day I tried to suck Edward's penis as often as possible.
Soon after, I started performing fellatio on two of my neighborhood friends, Kevin age 11 and Meredith age 8....I was age 7.
Since that time, seldom a day pasted that I didn't perform fellatio and ingest semen.
I became exclusively a female-roled receptive zoosexual in 1974.
I continued to suck Edward's penis or get bred by him nearly daily
I continued to suck Cosso's penis or get bred by him nearly daily
Cosso my great dane started penetrating me anally(studding me) in summer of 1970 age 8.
Sucking Edward's penis was life-altering, yet once Cosso and Edward had penetrated me anally the first time, I can only describe it as "being 100% transformed psychologically into a "girl" instantly and permanently.
Once Edward bred me, it was such a dramatic life changing experience, I knew from then on I only wanted to be a female surrogate sex partner for male jack donkeys, stallion ponies and large intact male dogs.
From 1974 to 2000 I was nearly exclusively a Class X female-roled receptive zoosexual.
First time I was penetrated anally
I'd been performing fellatio on Edward and two of my neighborhood friends routinely since June.
I was 8 years old, while in Scouts during winter months we'd often go to the old Research Hospital indoor swimming pool one evening a week, the pool was a very large indoor pool. We had a Scout leader/helper by the name of Bob, he would be there as a kind of a life guard usually, Bob was 25 years old sexy and a great swimmer, I was distant from the others in the pool, when Bob surprised me from behind when I was in water just deep enough where I couldn't touch my feet to the bottom, he quickly grabbed me super tight around the chest, rendering me helpless, then with the other hand he yanked my swim trunks down then quickly slid his erect penis up inside my bottom, all the while telling me to remain quiet as he held me very tight and with quick short, hard thrusts of his penis up inside me, until he ejaculated, then he let me go like nothing happened, he'd say it's our secret.
Though it was traumatic the first time, I very much was Bob's very eager consenting partner all times afterwards.
Within a week after Bob was butt-fucking me, I offer myself to my Great dane Cosso and he soon had me locked in a copulatory-tie, and he was soon fucking me often as well.
After that he'd do that to me twice a week or every time we went swimming at the pool, it was like he had me under a spell or trained to submit, after the first time he'd fucked me, he'd wait for me at the far end of the pool, once I seen him there I'd swim down to him stand, then turn so my back was to him, I'd allow him to pull my swim trunks down, and quickly slide his penis up side my bottom, he'd always be very hard already and his had what seemed like very large penis yet I actually hadn't seen it yet, due to being under water his penis would easily slide up inside me, within 30 seconds and quick hard short thrusts into me with his penis until he'd ejaculated.
I'd then go back to being with the Scouts, a few nights he "bred" me several times, I started volunteering/offering myself to him during the evenings, he'd had me start meeting him in the showers, have me suck his penis a bit then he "breed" in the shower stall with the water running on us. I guess I let him do it to me because I looked up to him as a Man and he was cute, and I just loved the feeling of having his penis up inside me, in a strange way it was like he had me under a spell of sorts, yet I liked it so much, having a penis up inside me made me feel girly and I wanted so much to feel girly, so just kept letting him do it. Bob only lived about a 10-minute bike ride for our house, so by the time I was 10 years old Bob screwed me and/or had me sucking his cock 3 or 4 time a week until I was 12 years old.
Somehow Bob got caught doing the same thing with another Scout, and he moved away, I never seen him again.
The whole thing about Bob getting caught was hush, hush, in a week it was never talked of again, no one asked us other scouts if he'd done anything with us, it was very odd and unsettling in that regard.
Yet if Bob had not gotten in trouble, and moved away, I'm sure I would let me continue to use me sexually for as long as he wanted me, I was very much his submissive. It was actually very tough not having him to serve sexually, as by that time I was giving him a blow-job or he was screwing me nearly every day.
Then not much later, in the spring/early summer when was still 8 years old, my step sister Jackie, Mom, my step-father and myself were visiting my step father's parent's farm, Jackie, Kathy and I were playing hide and seek, I was hiding in a shed when Jackie and her cousin Kathy who was 11 found me, together they suddenly just started stripping my clothes off, once I was nude they crazy like started kissing my mouth, playing with my penis, giggling, being silly, then Tom, Kathy's brother suddenly came walking in, he pulled out his penis and Jackie started sucking his penis, I remember Kathy saying, "I'll go get the Vaseline Tom", After that I briefly remember getting on my knees sucking Tom's penis. Then I felt Kathy putting Vaseline on my bottom as I was on my knees, Tom quickly walked behind me, and then I could feel his penis slowly being pushed up inside my, then him thrusting his penis in and out of my bottom. Next thing I remember going in the house, hurrying to the toilet because my bottom was sore, all of was like a dream or in shock, then I remember looking in the toilet after I'd tried pooping which I couldn't, yet I expelled his semen, which really put me in a surreal mental state, like it was a crazy dream and not real, yet very exciting, I'd wanted a penis in my bottom since seeing Mom taking my step-fathers up inside her bottom, and since Bob had "studded" me, I wanted it again.
Before we left late that evening, Tom had me go out to the shed with him, I performed fellatio on him and he ejaculated in my mouth.
I never seen Kathy and Tom again, I know if I had, I would let Tom use me for sex again.
7th grade
I was in 7th grade, age 12 a whole new school, larger and with many new students, 7 through 9 grades, plus a open shower policy for gym class, I was very nervous about the open shower policy that due the fact that I knew I was sexually attracted to guys, and the "not knowing how I would react" to seeing all these fellow male students nude.
There were also a lot black students in this new school, where my middle school had just a few black students, there were many more black guys here at this new school.
My the first week there, I was sitting on the bench in front of my locker which was near the open showers, and I glanced into the showers and I could clearly see Rod, one black guys in my gym class showering, he had the biggest cock I'd ever seen, I was staring at him, I couldn't help myself from staring at it, well Rod caught me staring at him. As I still was sitting on the bench tying my shoes, Rod walked to me, stood in front of me, there 2 feet right in front of my face was Rod's huge semi-erect cock, I looked up at him and meekly said "hi", Rod replied "you want to suck it don't you, I know a femboy when I see one", looking at his penis in front of me, I meekly replied, "it just is so big, don't know", then I looked down embarrassed.
Well later in the day while I was walking down the hall along with many other students headed to their next class, suddenly Rod came up behind me and whispered in my ear, "I want you to suck my big black cock, you know you want it", I just kept walking and didn't reply.
After that, in gym class he started asking me every day things like "have you sucked cock yet, if you haven't I'd be surprised because I know you want to suck cock, I can tell your a femboy", after several days of his bothering me, I replied, "yes I'm a femboy", Rod replied, " so I was right, you have sucked cock haven't you?".
I meekly replied, " yes, been sucking cock regularly since I was about 8 years old".
Rod asked me, "have you had cock up inside your butt yet?.
I told him, "yes regularly since I was 8 years old, not near big like yours though"
Rod replied, "yeah it is 10 inches long, I'll be nice and gentle to you, do you like to swallow cum, I do want you to start you sucking my cock regularly, I'm looking for steady girly-boyfriend, who likes sucking and getting butt-fucked often".
I replied meekly, "I do really want to suck your cock, swallow your cum and have your cock up in my bottom, I very much want and need to feel like a girl, be treated like a girl by guys".
Rod replied, "I'll treat you like a girl, you can suck my cock everyday if you want or more, if you ready to suck my cock, meet me in the woods behind the dairy at 4pm and you can suck it and I'll help you feel like a girl from now on".
Well after I got home from school at 3pm, all I knew was I wanted to suck his cock so much, I got on my bike and rode down to the woods behind the dairy and sure enough Rod showed up, he rode to me on his bike, then he told me to follow him to a spot in the woods where I could safely suck his cock, once we got to the spot, he unzipped his shorts, pulled out his already huge erect cock and told me to get down and start sucking it, I eagerly did, in less than a minute he was ejaculating in mouth.
Rod very much had me under his spell, I was ready to do for him anything he wanted me to,after that day, he and I would meet at that same spot every day, I'd perform fellatio on him and swallow his cum, this went on about a week then he told me he had an older friend who would like to have me start sucking his cock as well, and he'd bring him to meet me tomorrow, by that time I was Rod's free-use submissive, I would have done almost anything for him, so I said ok.
Well, the next day, Rod showed up with Steve another black guy from school, they were waiting for me, thus I sucked both of them until they ejaculated in my mouth.
The following day another black guy from school was with Rod, this went on for a couple of weeks until I was sucking 4 different black guys from school and 5 other older black guys who didn't attend our school yet were good friends of both Rod and Steve's.
Rod gives me an 18 inch long double-ended dildo, and a douche bottle.
Rod says to me, " Michael start using this dildo to help get you used to taking big cocks all the way up inside your butt, and help get you clean, lube it with mineral oil, squirt mineral oil up inside your butt, slide the dildo up in you, just repeat over and over again, do it several times a day, all of us guys want to start butt-fucking you as soon as your ready. After a few days of working with the dildo I was able to get all 18 inch of it up inside. I told the guys I was ready, in a week all of them were butt-fucking me as well, I would suck at least one of the 9 after school every day and try to suck all of them on the weekend, as well as get butt-fucked by them during our interaction, 3 or 4 or all 9 of them gang-banged at times. Two of the guys (William and Samuel) had their own home within a 10 minute bike ride from my house (we lived just outside of town), so I just go there after school, then who ever show up I'd serve sexually.
Until the following April, or about 5 months of serving all the guys sexually, I was walking down the crowded hallway at school at someone yelled out loud from down the hall, "Michael loves to suck cock!", after that I was really humiliated daily it seemed, different student yelling, "Michael is gay etc.", different guys coming up to me asking if I really liked sucking cock etc.", me hearing student whispering about it in class.
After about 2 week of the constant getting called gay, cock sucker etc., I wanted to quit school, so I told mom I couldn't take it any longer, and I'd developed severe checking/obsessive thoughts type OCD.
I just couldn't go back to that school knowing I'd just be harassed
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